


Rosemary

by iisaax



Series: Inflorescence [8]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Ficlet, Genderfluid Character, Other, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 09:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15704766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iisaax/pseuds/iisaax
Summary: Steve was stroking a lazy hand along their back, lost in his head.“Buck?” he whispered.“Yeah?” came the quiet reply.“When I die, I want you to keep Ma’s perfume, and all her dresses, okay?”Bucky lifted their head and blinked up at him in the darkness. “What are you thinkin’ ‘bout that for?”-rose·mary/ˈrōz-ˌmer-ē/1. a fragrant shrubby Mediterranean mint2. represents rememberance after death





	Rosemary

**Author's Note:**

> Something short and sad. Don't worry; we'll be back to fluff in a little bit.
> 
> Note: If you wanna feel more sad while reading this, listen to [You by Keaton Henson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPJLu_wcTKc). I have a whole Bucky playlist, if anyone is interested.
> 
> Also wow! I'm at 10 works already!! I'm having a lot of fun posting on here, so expect even more coming up. I do start school back up soon too, though, so I probably won't be as frequent starting mid-September. But until then, please enjoy.
> 
> Content warning: implied reference to suicide

Steve was stroking a lazy hand along their back, lost in his head.

“Buck?” he whispered.

“Yeah?” came the quiet reply.

“When I die, I want you to keep Ma’s perfume, and all her dresses, okay?”

Bucky lifted their head and blinked up at him in the darkness. “What are you thinkin’ ‘bout that for?”

Steve shrugged, wiping his eyes. “Just thinkin’.”

Bucky lifted a hand to thumb away his tears, and leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth. “You’re not gonna die before me. I’m gonna be sure of that.”

Steve shrugged again, mouth wobbling. “You never know with me. I could die tomorrow.”

Buck shushed him with a real kiss, trying to pour everything they couldn’t say into it. Steve got a little bit, but still felt gloomy, watching the ceiling. When Bucky pulled back with a small sound, Steve searched their face with his eyes. 

“What are you gonna do? When I die,” Steve mumbled. “I mean, this apartment’s not gonna pay for itself.”

“Don’t _worry_ about that. I can handle it. Plus, we don’t even know if you’re _gonna_ die.” They nudged him, and he smiled despite himself. “You’re too stubborn.”

“You got me there,” Steve told them, tucking them back against his side. He sniffled, and carded a hand through their hair. It was finally starting to grow back, and flopped down over their forehead in soft curls. “You can go back to sleep.”

“Not tired,” they lied, yawning. “Wanna wait until you do.”

Steve hummed his acknowlegement, closing his eyes.

He played with their hair for a while.

Just as he was about to fall asleep, Bucky spoke again, saying, “You know what?”

“Hm?”

Bucky lifted their head and looked right at him. “I’ll wait for you. You can die first - I’ll let you, I promise - but when it happens I’m right there with you. I don’t think I could...you know.” _Live without you_ , they left unsaid.

Steve blinked at them. They looked solemn, and serious. 

“Okay,” he told them.

Bucky laid back down. 

Steve played with their hair some more, until his arm became too tired to move. He drifted off to the sound of his watch ticking on the bedside table.

-

Steve was gripping Buck’s dog tags, staring into the cracks between the floorboards. He heard the clicking of heels, then felt a body settle next to him, and a small hand rest on his shoulder.

“You alright?” Peggy asked.

Steve sniffed, wiping his eyes with a sleeve. He nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Peg.”

Peggy gave him a bittersweet smile. She looked down at Steve’s hands and sighed sadly. 

“Is it James? We’ll find him, you know…” They sat for a while. Then, “Would you like some alone time?”

Steve nodded, sniffing again. “Yeah. Sorry, Peggy.”

She touched his hand and left him with a kiss on the cheek. “I don’t mind.”

Steve listened to her leave, hands tightening around the chain.

-

Steve was hugging Bucky tight, squeezing like they could disappear again at any moment. 

“ _Jerk_ ,” he sobbed. “I thought you were dead. You said you would _wait_ for me.”

They replied by holding him tighter, tucking their face into his neck. They were chest to chest with each other, which was an odd sensation, but not an unwelcome one. Steve was mindful not to hug too hard.

“I did, I did…” Buck murmured. “And I’m sorry. But I’m here now. I’m here now.”

Steve rubbed a hand along their back, and they relaxed against him, despite everything.

-

Steve was sitting on his too-big and too-soft bed with Natasha, tracing a thumb over the worn words of Bucky’s dog tag. It was one of the first things Fury handed over to him after he woke up.

Tears sprung to his eyes, but he swallowed them back. 

“So did you crash the plane because you had to?” Nat had asked cautiously. “Or because you wanted to?”

Steve shrugged, throat feeling tight. “I don’t know,” he eventually admitted. “I don’t know.”

-

Steve is holding them now, petting their hair as the two of them recline on the couch. Bucky has their head tucked under his chin, and is settled between his legs.

They stir, and Steve looks down. They sit up, frowning.

“Did I…” they start, “Promise to let you die before me?”

Steve smiles at them. “Yeah,” he answers, wetly.

“I just remembered.” They lie back down, tangling a hand in Steve’s. “I didn’t keep that promise," they say quietly. "Neither did you.”

“No,” Steve sniffs, a little weepy. “We didn’t. But we’re here now. We’re here now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I added a few paragraphs to make the story make more sense. Sorry if it didn’t, before.
> 
> Flower meaning is from [bellaonline.com](http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art177662.asp)
> 
> Thanks for reading :'-(


End file.
